By Jim Darlington.
[Warning: More and more we see today’s satire becoming tomorrow’s headlines. We certainly pray this should prove to be the exception to that rule.]
Once upon a time, in an almost parallel universe…
The United States of America is in the hands of fanatical left-wing tyrants, the result of a highly suspect election. The war overseas that brought America to the brink of WWIII has been resolved and the nation turns its attention back to the devastation wrought by policies plainly. A tide of revulsion against the usurping tyrants threatens to overwhelm all imaginable efforts to cheat the next election, but that seemed true in 2020. The last excuses are slipping away, for nationally mandated behaviors that were intended to render the population passive to the leftist onslaught. The people are turning, despite the maelstrom of panicked propaganda, reclaiming the streets, as well as their right to exhibit their gloriously naked chins and mouths and noses!
A massive voter replacement effort on our southern border is bringing in the necessary millions, but the movement, to quickly give them voting rights, is stalled for the time being.
The President’s long term memory functions are withering fast, but he can still remember recent events in eastern Europe. He is told that new war is needed to solidify patriotic support.
With the help of the CIA, a far-right conservative coalition overthrows the socialist-lite government of Mexico, but contrary to all expectations the new President does nothing the hinder the onslaught of illegal immigrants coming through Mexico, to the U.S. In fact, he justifies increasing the flow, as a Mexico First policy, touting its economic benefits. He brings in several Drug Cartel leaders as part of a newly reformed Mexican Nationale Departamento de Transporte.
But then the CIA stops taking this new “conservative” Mexican President’s calls, and seems to lose interest in supporting the new government.
Suddenly U.S. news sources are full of terrifying reports about the evils being visited upon our citizens by this infamous flood of invaders, from a hundred and twenty-three foreign nations. To the crimes of drug smuggling, human trafficking and the movement of illegal armaments, a hysterical new threat is added to the 24/7 news cycle, as a series of mass casualty bombings begin across the U.S.A., and are laid at the feet of our newest neighbors.
Though definitive proofs cannot be made public, because of the ongoing investigations, we are told that the cartels, along with elements of the Mexican armed forces, are apparently planting explosive charges on the south side, at the bases of long sections of the Great Trumpian Wall, bringing it down and raising the specter of millions of illegal crossings. All reports about previous policies having already accomplished this and more are suppressed as disinformation, possibly from Russia.
An LMO, or what Putin once called a Limited Military Operation, is launched to destroy both the cartels and the right-wing usurpers in Mexico City. A new national law enforcement operation is initiated simultaneously, to clean out the right-wing traitors among us here at home. Curfews and stay at home mandates are instituted, to protect our people from the terrorists among us. A plot to smuggle North Korean Missiles into Oaxaca is uncovered and answered with several smaller tactical nukes.
As it becomes clearly a requisite of U.S. National Security, Mexico is annexed to the U.S , creating the new, and even more powerful, nation of “Mexerica”, made up of our 50 and their 32 states, with the promise of universal voting rights for all our new citizens, as soon as elections here are safe to resume, in two to five years. The old Mexican government is reinstated as a transitional, regional power. Blame for the smattering of radioactive craters, is laid on the Fascist Usurpers, who are mostly too dead to offer a differing narrative.
Instead of angry mobs shouting, “Bideno Bandito” the new citizens of the U.S.M. are shouting “Viva El Bideno”!
Communist China sells us billions of tons of pre-fab train rail for the new north-south lines.
Biden is interrupted by his handlers, at a news conference, after dropping his cue cards and starting to elocute on the virtues of “our new beaner buddies now covering the 7-11 check out counters everywhere.”
Of course, there are many Mexicans who are less than thrilled about becoming stinking Yanquis and there is a ground swell of armed counter revolutionaries. Russia, of course, promptly begins shipping them anti-tank and anti-aircraft weaponry. And the over-arching threat of WWIII is back in play.
“Show us your cell phones! Why are you out after dark? And where are your (made in China) Citizen Steel helmets?”