The South Dakota governor Kristi Noem, an aspiring vice-presidential candidate, has gotten some negative press over her forthcoming book, in which she describes killing a family dog.
“Warning: If you like puppies, you’re not going to like Kristi Noem,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday.
“Look, I know it sounds terrible, but it’s much worse. Because this wasn’t some rabid 90-pound hellhound on a meth bender — it was a 14-month-old wire-haired pointer named Cricket. Yes, a puppy named Cricket. Reminds me of Stephen King’s first draft of ‘Cujo,’ ‘Snuggles.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“No! Bad, psycho governor! No! Sit down! Bad! Stay! Stay away from dogs!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I don’t know how big her staff is, but I’m guessing she has at least a dozen people working for her, probably more. Not one of those dozen or dozens of people raised a hand and said, ‘Uh, governor? Do you think maybe not a great idea to share that story about shooting a whole petting zoo at your house? Maybe we save shooting a puppy in a gravel pit for the next book, you know?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“By the way, the actual title of Noem’s book where she tells this story is ‘No Going Back.’ Better than her first drafts, ‘Old Yeller 2: He Had it Coming’ and ‘All Dogs Go to Gravel Pit.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
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Author: Faith N
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