Old Glory – The 21st Century Lorax (Poem)

By The Conservative College Professor.

In a place that was once called the Land of the Free
But now is a shadow of what used to be,
Where the Home of the Brave has become a black grave,
Is the street of the Star-Spangled Banner.

And deep in our memory, some people say
If you look deep enough you can still see today
Where Old Glory once stood, just as long as it could,
Before somebody lifted the banner away.

What was Old Glory? And why was it there?
And why was it lifted and taken somewhere?
From the heart of our country where poison now grows?
The Leftist still lives here. Ask him – he knows.

You won’t see the Leftist. Don’t stop by his place.
He works in his tower to weaponize race.
He creates ideologies built to destroy
And he spreads them around with a sick kind of joy.
If he’s not too afraid of the COVID, he’ll speak,
But from under his mask his voice is quite weak,
And he’ll tell how Old Glory was lifted away.
He’ll tell you, perhaps, if you’re willing to pay.

On the end of a rope he lets down a big bowl
And you have to toss in the most precious of tolls,
Your freedom along with your God given soul.

Then he pulls up the bowl, makes a most careful count
To see if you’ve paid him the proper amount.
Then he hides what you paid him away with all stealth
While preaching some dross about sharing the wealth.
He grunts, “I will call you today on your cell
So that Big Tech can listen to me as I tell

Of the strangest things that used to be here
Like churches and morals and freedom from fear.”
The sound of his voice through his mask is all muffled
As he tells you about how things got all kerfuffled,
“Now I’ll tell you,” he says, with breath like a pickle,
“How the banner was burned for a hammer and sickle,

It all started back, such a long, long time back…

Way back in the days when masks were not needed
When the United States Constitution was heeded
When people were friends independent of race
One morning I came to this glorious place
And I first saw the Free! The incredible Free!
The Home of the Brave and the Land of the Free!
Freedom rang proudly from prairie to sea!

Among the free people I saw quite a scene,
People were friendly, and no one was mean.
There were concerts and parties and sports were still fun,
They stood for the anthem and cheered the home run,
Two dollars would buy you a dog and a bun.

But the Free! Those Free! The Land of the Free!
All my life I’d been searching for freedom to see.
The taste and the smell and the sense of it all,
The thunderous dream of its rapturous call!

I felt a great leaping of joy in my heart
I knew just what to do, how I’d play my small part.
In no time at all I had made a decree,
‘I will cancel all content offensive to me!’
And with great skillful skill and with great mighty might
Free speech was a privilege, no longer a right.

As soon as I’d cancelled a person or two
And toppled some statues and some guy named Seuss,
Something popped out of the pole of the flag
That I’d lowered and burned and made into a rag.
He was Red, White, and Blue, and he spoke most sincere,
And he gave me a look that benumbed me with fear.

‘Mister!’ he shouted while baring his teeth
“I am Old Glory. I speak for the Free!
I speak for the Free ‘cause the Free paid the price,
I’m asking you, Sir, and I won’t ask you twice’
(He was shaking his fist, though just out of reach),
What have you done with my freedom of Speech?’

‘Old Glory,’ I said, ‘There’s no cause for alarm.
I took just one freedom. I am doing no harm.
It’s for your own good, to protect you from you,
It’s something that any good tyrant would do.
You can’t disagree with the things that I say,
I’ll censor and cancel and erase you away.
The people will thank me. They need me, you see?
I’ll tell them that you are offensive to me.’
Old Glory said, ‘Sir! You are crazy with hate!
There is no one on earth who would buy that fool fate!’

But the very next minute I proved he was wrong
For just at that moment a sheep came along
And he thought my advice was exceedingly great,
He gave up his freedom and accepted his fate.
The TV had taught him to think like the Left.
Of any free thinking this sheep was bereft.

‘I repeat!’ cried Old Glory, ‘I speak for the Free!’

‘Shut up!’ I commanded. ‘I’ve cancelled your speech!’
In no time at all I had built a machine
So crafty, so cunning, so wicked, so mean,
Big Tech on the one side, Big Pharm on the other,
Both of them working along with Big Brother,
The media complex attacked with a pen,
Led by the Devil himself – CNN.
If we preach the lie long enough, all will believe
We won’t give them a moment of slightest reprieve.

And in no time at all in the factory I built
BLM and antifa were working full tilt.
They created full violence and then called it peace,
Law and Order were brought to their government knees.

Then…Oh! Baby! Oh! How the Leftists did grow!
Killing one freedom alone was too slow!
We doubled our effort in all walks of life
To stir up division and create endless strife.
We milked the pandemic, we took away sport,
We renamed every building and sports team and fort,
Coke even told people to stop being White,
Big Busines went woke without hint of a fight.
And Old Glory? He didn’t show up any more.
But the next week he knocked on my new office door.

He snapped! ‘I’m Old Glory who speaks for the Free
Whom you seem to be killing as fast as can be,
And I’m also in charge of the kids in the schools
Who used to be smart and to follow the rules,
But now you’re insistent on making them fools.
You teach them to hate and to love CRT,
You’ve mish-mashed their minds with false history.

What hope do they have when they go off to college
With woke professors espousing false knowledge?
Parents! Stop paying for indoctrination
That teaches your children to hate their own nation.
The fight is right now! Get your mind off vacation.’

I, the Leftist, I felt no remorse
For this is the cast of the Communist course,
All for the good of the people, of course!

So I biggered the media lies to the max,
I biggered the hatred against the unvaxxed,
I biggered the weaponization of words,
Lies are now truth, and truth is absurd!
I biggered attacks on any who dared
To vote for the Donald – now they’re all scared,
I biggered control of everyone’s lives,
Soon it will be a new Night of Long Knives.

Then again he came back, interrupting my hate.
Old Glory returned with another complaint.
‘I am Old Glory,’ he said to my face.
He wobbled and wavered all over the place.
‘Leftist!’ he cried with his hands to his brow,
‘You’re making my head spin! Please stop it now!

The constant barrage of bad news on TV,
All of the screens are conditioning me
To feel like a failure, to pity myself,
To blame all my problems on everyone else.
YouTwitFace has censored conservative thought,
I’ll not patronize them. No thank you – I’ll not!
My brain will be better without all that rot!

What’s more,’ snapped Old Glory (his dander was high),
‘Let me say a few words about girls and guys.
You tell little boys they can be little girls,
To replace their pronouns and grow some curls.
Your sicko doctors put them under the knife
To change their future from husband to wife.
And what will this do, Leftist, what will this do?
I’ll tell you, you dirty old Leftist man, you!

You’re killing the family, Lord only knows
You’ve traded your morals for ‘anything goes.’
God made a woman and God made a man
And God is in charge of the family plan!
Get your paws off my pronouns you backwards galoot.
I’m a man and a father and a Christian to boot!’

And then I got mad, I lost all good manner,
I yelled at Old Glory, ‘Now listen here, Banner!
I have my rights, Sir, and I’m telling you,
You have no business to tell me what’s true.
And for your information, Old Glory, I’m figgering
On biggering and Biggering and BIGGERING and BIGGERING!!
And then I will tell YOU what is true and what’s not
And you’ll like it, you’ll like it, you’ll like it a lot!’

At that very moment we heard a strange sound:
Freedom in shards, falling down to the ground.
Gone was the banner, the Red, White, and Blue,
The flag was deemed hateful and racist – who knew?
Gone were your words and your thoughts and your jobs,
Replaced by the darkness and hate of the mobs,
Gone was morality, Gone was your past,
Along with your freedom, they disappeared fast.

All that was left in the Land of the Free
Was socialist sludge…Old Glory…and me.

Old Glory said nothing, just gave me a glance,
Just gave me a very sad, sad backward glance,
As he lifted himself by the seat of his pants.
And I’ll never forget the grim look on his face
When he hoisted himself and took leave of this place,
With a hole in his heart, without leaving a trace.
And all that Old Glory left here in this mess
Was a tear-watered message with one word…UNLESS.

Whatever that meant, well, I just couldn’t guess.

That was long, long ago, but each day since that day
I’ve sat here and worried and worried away.
To give it all up – was I wrong at that time?
To trade precious freedom for communist Slime?

But now”, says the Leftist, “Now that you’re here,
The word of Old Glory seems perfectly clear.
UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.

So…Catch!” calls the Leftist. He lets something down.
The Blue’s almost gray, the Red almost brown.
“You’re in charge of the very last Red, White, and Blue.
Protect it, restore it, and fly it anew.
It contains all the freedoms a person could need,
Don’t give it up for a Leftist like me.
Fight for it, Die for it – it’s under attack!
Old Glory, Old Glory, Old Glory, come back!”

Copyright TheCCP 2021.

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