There’s a lot about cowboy culture that appeals to me—spending all day riding around on horses—making your living playing cards. Maybe panning for some gold and striking it rich. But another unsung benefit of the old west was the slang. Not unlike how people in western towns were a more relaxed, chilled-out version of their East Coast counterparts, cowboy language is sedate. The slang blends words. It’s best pronounced by rolling it around in your mouth for a while, like chewing tobacco, before spitting it into a conversation. Maybe the best way to deal with the dumpster fire of 2020 is with the Old West’s rowdy recklessness. In language, at least.
Cool Cowboy Slang We Should Bring Back
Two whoops and a holler.
Not too far away, a short commute. “It’ll just take two whoops and a holler to get to Dave and Buster’s from here.”
Madder than an old wet hen.
Angry. Just really super mad. “It makes me madder than an old wet hen when you like other girl’s Instagram pictures.”
Fix one’s flint.
To settle an issue or agree. “We kept arguing about where to go for spring break until COVID fixed our flint–we didn’t go anywhere.”
Acknowledging the corn.
Admitting you were lying, finally telling the truth, or acknowledging a fault. “Alright, I’ll acknowledge the corn, I ghosted you after that date because you ordered a salad.”
Like licking butter off a knife.
Something easy to do. “Once I started prioritizing myself, ignoring his texts was like licking butter off a knife.”
Worse than a cat in a room full of rockers.
Someone who’s really nervous. “I’m worse than a cat in a room full of rockers waiting for my COVID results.”
Ugly as a mud fence.
Someone ugly. “Stop posting those group shots on Instagram where I look ugly as a mud fence.”
Get the wrong pig by the tail.
Pick the wrong person for something, like a group project, a relationship, or the Amazing Race. “When she finally invited me over, I realized I got the wrong pig by the tails–all her plants were succulents.”
A smooth talker or player. “That’s it–I have too much time on my hands in quarantine to get left on read by a flannel mouth.”
Painting your tonsils.
Getting drunk. “Is he okay? I saw him painting his tonsils on Instagram every day of the quarantine.”
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Author: Cormick Evans
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