Throughout history, mankind has tried – nobly, desperately, and delusionally – to call a truce about things. From warring nations to warring siblings, from holy prophets to hostile co-workers, the idea of a ceasefire has always sounded better on paper than in practice. Let’s take a tour of history’s most short-lived peace attempts…
1. The Garden of Eden: “Let’s Not Eat That” Agreement (Approx. 4004 B.C.)
Terms were simple: Don’t eat the fruit. One job. One tree. Two naked humans with nothing better to do. And yet – boom – day two, the first ceasefire ever is broken. Eve blames the serpent, Adam blames Eve, and God invents pants. Humanity has been bad at following simple agreements ever since.
2. The Great Cold War Office Fridge Treaty (Ongoing)
Every office break room has that one laminated ceasefire taped to the fridge: “Do NOT eat other people’s food.” But within 24 hours, someone’s leftover Pad Thai has vanished, Karen is filing a formal HR complaint, and the guy from IT is quietly chewing suspiciously familiar noodles.
3. Your Last Diet
It began with noble intentions: “No carbs, no sugar, no exceptions!” Day one: chia seeds and optimism. Day two: you’re sniffing bread like it’s Chanel No. 5. Day three: ceasefire over, full-scale invasion of Krispy Kreme.
4. The Sibling War
At least once per week, a parent shouts “I don’t care who started it – just stop fighting!” leading to a temporary armistice between siblings. This lasts exactly until one of them breathes wrong or crosses an invisible line on the couch.
5. The Ceasefire with Your Ex
You both agreed to be “civil” for the sake of the dog. That lasted until visitation rights turned into an interrogation about who “Ashley” is and why she’s holding the leash in her Instagram post. Soon, fur and accusations are flying. The dog files for emancipation.
6. Middle East Peace
Another tentative ceasefire is announced between Iran and Israel, just as both sides are clearly mid- air with a rocket. The only thing more temporary than this truce is a Snapchat message. Sadly, even Orange Man Bad probably can’t solve this problem.
Moral of the Story?
Peace is easy to declare and very hard to enforce – especially when humans are involved. Whether you’re guarding your leftovers, your dignity, or the Gaza Strip, remember: ceasefires are like New Year’s resolutions. Bold in theory. Brief in practice.
Stay safe. And maybe hide your Pad Thai.
The post Ceasefires That Haven’t Held Throughout Time: From the Holy Land to Tupperware Lids appeared first on Steve Gruber.
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Author: Liberty Paige
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