Moderna to Open New “Lies Manufacturing Plant” in Melbourne 

By Kim Skeltys (copyright 2025) 

Moderna has announced they have secured Victorian government approval to construct “a state of the art lies factory in Melbourne”.  

A spokesperson for Moderna boasted: “Our factory will be able to manufacture up to 1000 lies a week, which will exceed even Pfizer’s prodigious output.” 

Victorian premier Jacinta Allan said she was very proud to support Moderna’s lies manufacturing facility, and said her government would be one of their main customers.  

“To tell the truth, as a politician I can say it’s not easy to come up with new lies every day, especially since Dan Andrews departed,” said the premier, “and Moderna’s factory will make our job so much easier.” 

“And I’ve got to say during the pandemic, our government really envied Moderna and Pfizer’s impressive record in porkie production.”  

“Indeed we often made good use of many of their outstanding and quite astounding lies in our covid 19 vaccine propaganda, I mean, public health messaging.” 

“For example, “the vaccine is 99% effective”; “pandemic of the unvaccinated”; “the vaccine stops you spreading the virus”; “the vaccine saved millions of lives”; and the absolute classic, “safe and effective”.  

Ms Allan said that although the lies had successfully fooled 90% of the public at the time, some of the lies were reaching their “use by date.” 

“Hence the urgent need to find high quality fresh lies to replace them, and we are confident that based on their track record, Moderna can deliver the goods.” 

A site for Moderna’s lie factory hadn’t yet been decided, but negotiations were underway with Monash University to possibly build it on vacant land next to Moderna’s existing mRNA vaccine plant. 

“Somehow it seems appropriate to have the two side by side,” said Ms Allan. 

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