WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another genius move designed to weaken a rival nation, President Donald Trump enacted a plan to dumb down the Chinese population by inviting them to attend American universities.
Trump’s plan was praised by national security experts, who cited it as a brilliant maneuver to reduce China’s influence on global affairs in the long term by shrewdly allowing their students to be made substantially less intelligent at educational institutions in the U.S.
“Pretty soon, Chinese kids will all be dumb, just as dumb as American students,” the president reportedly told his advisors. “We’ll let in hundreds of thousands of Chinese students, have them waste their time at American universities sitting in gender studies classes and college courses about Taylor Swift, and the next thing you know, China will be in the toilet. If it worked here, it can work there. It’ll make things very difficult for the Chinamen, believe me. Very difficult.”
One administration source said it was a surefire way to limit China’s power on the world stage. “It’s an amazing move by Trump,” the insider said. “If these Chinese students were to receive their higher education anywhere else, that could pose a serious threat to the U.S. in future years, but if we let them come here and spend all their time hating Israel and marching for female empowerment at American universities, we’ll defeat China without ever firing a shot.”
At publishing time, the Trump administration was reportedly trying to come up with a way to avoid having American students attend American universities.
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