Everyone Who’s Not ‘American’ Enough To Watch the New Superman Movie, According to Woke Celebs

James Gunn, director of the upcoming Superman film, and his actor brother Sean Gunn, who plays the role of Maxwell Lord, are under fire after suggesting that anyone who supports President Donald Trump’s immigration policies is “not American” enough to appreciate their so-called work of art.

“I mean, Superman is the story of America,” the director told the Times of London over the weekend. “An immigrant that came from other places and populated the country, but for me it is mostly a story that says basic human kindness is a value and is something we have lost.” It goes without saying that the only way to restore the American value of basic human kindness would be to elect a Democratic president.

Gunn’s comments did not sit well with the majority of Americans who are understandably fed up with being lectured by woke Hollywood celebs who constantly inject their left-wing politics into everything they produce for the masses. Rachel Zegler, star of the box office bomb Snow White, caused a similar backlash in 2024 by disparaging the original animated film as “weird,” “dated,” and insufficiently devoted to so-called female empowerment. She also insisted on voicing her political views by criticizing Trump and defending the terrorist group Hamas.

The Hollywood director, best known for writing the screenplay for Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed starring Freddie Prinze Jr., attempted to walk back his remarks this week, presumably in response to outraged studio executives who actually want people to see Superman in theaters. “I’m here to judge people,” Gunn said Monday at the Hollywood premiere. “I think this is a movie about kindness and I think that’s something everyone can relate to.”

Sean Gunn must not have gotten the memo, because he defended the director’s original suggestion that Superman was a film about the importance of hating Trump and loving illegal immigrants. “Yes, Superman is an immigrant, and yes, the people that we support in this country are immigrants, and if you don’t like that then you’re not American,” said Gunn, who played the pivotal role of “Traction Sailor” in Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor.

We reached out to the Gunn brothers’ publicist for clarification, and received the following list of individuals who are not American enough to enjoy their new Superman film. All those who fall into any one of these categories will not be allowed to view the film.

• Legal immigrants who voted for Trump (Race traitors who embrace hate)
• Illegal immigrants who voted for Trump (I.C.E. will be called to the theater to deport you)
• Anyone who didn’t vote in 2024 (Superman hates fascist enablers even more than he hates fascism)
• Journalists (Superman doesn’t think they’ve done enough to stop Trump from ravaging our precious democracy)
• Pickup truck owners (Superman loves the environment)
• Anyone who has ever fired a gun (Superman would have helped the British pummel the colonial tax dodgers)
• People with low anxiety (Only a privileged little bitch could be so calm with Trump in power)
• People who enjoy comedy (There is nothing funny about creeping fascism)
• People who own boats (Superman thinks you’re probably a racist)
• People who live in Florida (For obvious reasons)
• People who eat Thanksgiving dinner without printing out explanatory articles for reactionary relatives (Superman would never)
• Individuals not experiencing obesity (Ozempic is a crutch, Superman worked hard for his toned bod)
• Men who identify as men (Superman abhors toxic masculinity)
• Women without penises (Boring, patriarchal)
• Women with penises (Superman wishes he had one)
• White women (For obvious reasons)
• White gay men (Not diverse enough)
• Yoga instructors (Superman frowns on cultural appropriation)
• Fans of action movies (Man-on-man violence obscures female suffering)
• People who read comic books (Save the trees from annihilation)
• Fans of comic books (Get a life, nerds)
• Fans of Batman (Superman wants police defunded and billionaires to pay their fair share)
• Fans of Christopher Reeves as Superman (What, so you stopped liking him after he got paralyzed? Superman reviles ableism)
• People who enjoy movies (Superman thinks it must be nice to feel so entertained when I.C.E. is out there rounding up kids)
• People who think soccer is boring (Superman enjoys the fake injuries and performative whining on account of his invulnerability)
• People who think land acknowledgments are lame (Superman did one as a baby after landing in Kansas on stolen Pawnee territory)
• People who clap when the plane lands (Superman would never glorify fossil fuel emissions)
• Parents (Superman still resents his for sending him to America, a hotbed a structural racism and colonial oppression)
• Kids (They don’t count as people until they’re old enough to vote for a Democrat)
• Individuals not experiencing unemployment (Superman detests all who enable the atrocities of late-stage capitalism)
• Homeowners (Superman rents because land is theft and property is violence)
• Dog owners (Superman abhors slavery in all its forms)
• Jews (For obvious reasons)

All others are more than welcome!

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