British Bloke Offers to Trade His Jaguar for Return of Jumbo-Sized Elephant Slide

In one of the strangest hostage negotiations of the year, a British man has reportedly offered up his Jaguar (a car, not a cat) in exchange for the safe return of a 20-foot long and 8-foot high fiberglass elephant water slide called “Ellie” that the local government has taken because it was deemed to be an “unsafe” structure.

The decades old fiberglass structure was delivered to 71-year-old Trevor Robinson for free after he saw it being removed from a neighborhood park. Having grown up around the slide, he thought it would be a great prize for the neighborhood children. He planned to place it in his back garden with a pond and donate any contributions to charity.

Robinson put Ellie together in his driveway because she was far too massive to haul into the backyard. But before he could arrange for a crane to lift her over the house and into place with his other garden treasures, the neighbors started whining – and just like that, the elephant was gone.

Yes, the government – otherwise known as the Medway Council – removed the big gray beast during what they called an annual health and safety audit that deemed Ellie to be unsafe.

This led the slide-less Robinson to turn to social media and post the kind of plea usually reserved for lost dogs or vintage guitars: Return my elephant slide, and you can have my Jaguar!

Robinson told Metro UK that the government’s actions were “diabolical,” adding that he misses Ellie. Having been part of his life for so long, it’s like losing an old friend.

So while the council pats itself on the back for protecting Britain from the looming menace of a backyard faux jungle beast, Robinson’s Jaguar waits in the driveway like a four-wheeled ransom note.

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