Missionaries with the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS) released guidelines for Catholics struggling with the pain of seeing friends or family leave the Church.
Their first piece of guidance is to begin with prayer, according to an article from FOCUS.
“No argument, no perfectly worded conversation, and no social media post can change hearts the way God’s grace can,” the article stated.
FOCUS encourages Catholics to intercede through the Rosary, Eucharistic adoration, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and sacrifices offered quietly for those who have left.
They also stress the importance of remaining close to loved ones rather than pulling away.
“Keep calling, keep inviting, keep being a friend,” they said. “Let them know that your love for them isn’t dependent on whether they share your beliefs.”
According to FOCUS, the consistency of showing up is often remembered in difficult times.
Listening is another essential step. FOCUS notes that each person’s story is unique.
“Some leave because of a painful experience with a priest or parishioner. Others struggle with Church teachings,” the article said “Some drift away without even realizing it.”
The missionaries recommend asking questions about what led to the decision and “really listen[ing] — not to argue, not to correct, but to understand.”
Rather than relying on debates, FOCUS highlights the power of joyful witness.
“Instead of lecturing, live a life that makes them wonder what they’re missing,” they said. “Let them see the peace you have in suffering, the joy you find in prayer, the love you have for the Eucharist.”
Patience is another theme of their advice. They remind the faithful that St. Monica prayed for years before her son, St. Augustine, returned to the Church.
Simple gestures of welcome also matter even if the loved one declines them. Invitations to attend Mass, join a retreat, or read a book together can leave an impression.
“They might say no — but they’ll remember that you cared enough to ask,” the missionaries note.
FOCUS concluded with a reminder that the task is not to change others but to love them.
“Our job isn’t to ‘fix’ people — it’s to love them like Jesus does,” the missionaries said. “And trust that God is never done writing their story.”
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Author: Rachel Quackenbush
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