Scenes From 2030

https://off-guardian.org/2021/04/02/scenes-from-2030/

“Hi, dude!”

“Oh. Hi. How are you?”

“I’m good. How do you like my shoes?”

“Nice. Are those…”

“Yeah. The original Nike Lil Nas X Satan’s Shoes, version 2030.”

“Wow. But don’t those cost a fortune? How can you afford them, with just the Universal Basic Income?”

“Well, duh. I didn’t buy them, dude. I’m just renting them from Amazon Prime, of course. All of my clothes are rented, including the original Calvin Klein underwear.”

“Eew… Well, they did say that ‘you’ll own nothing, and you’ll be happy’…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing, just remembering an old joke here. So, what’s new? What are your plans for next week?”

“Not sure. Maybe I’ll go to the City Hall Yearly Masked Ball. You want to come? The masks are all N95 compliant, so it’s safe.”

“No, thanks. I thought you were travelling to Italy for the holidays?”

“Nah, I can’t board a plane this month. I didn’t get my Moderna monthly booster shots. I wanted to, but the lines were so big, the next appointment available for me is only next month.”

“This Covid-29 is really pesky, isn’t it?”

“You bet. But I’m sure the vaccine is working. Just give it time. It takes a few years to achieve full immunization, but of course, with the new variants and viruses that appear every month, it’s always a game of catching up. We got to be patient. So, yeah, no travel this month for me.”

“Well, you know, you could always travel around your own room.”

“What?”

“Oh. I just got reminded of an old 18th century novel. ‘Voyage around my room,’ by Xavier de Maistre.”

“What it’s about?”

“It’s about a guy who, well, travels around his room.”

“18th century? Man, that’s like, old. When was that exactly? I guess that’s when the first lockdowns happened, right? In the first Covid era?”

“Yeah, sort of… Anyway, forget it, you just reminded me of that book. But I guess reading is not really your thing.”

“Nah. Is there a YouTube version? You are funny, you’re one of those guys who still read, right? You’re really old-fashioned. I bet you don’t even have a microchip in your brain, L.O.L.”

“Thankfully not…”

“…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t get close to me.”

“What? Why? Who are you calling?”

“Who am I calling? Who am I calling? The police, dude. Not having a brain chip is a felony, and it’s my duty as a citizen to report you, sorry. I know you’re a friend and neighbour and all, but, that’s just sick, dude. That’s really fucked-up.

“No, No… Wait, stop! I meant that I don’t have the latest version of he chip. But I still have the 2029 model. As you said, I’m old-fashioned…” 

“Ah… Ok… But… I don’t see the scar in your head…”

“Oh, it’s there, trust me. It’s just that I got a hair implant on top of it, so, it’s not visible.”

“Ah, OK. That’s cool. You were starting to scare me, dude. I mean, not having a brain chip, in this day and age… I was starting to think you were a radical or something…”

“Well…”

“Oh man, it’s getting late. It was nice seeing you, but, sorry, I got to go now. I have a Zoom meeting with my family. But, see you another time, I guess. Should we do an elbow bump, or a foot shake?

“…”

“What’s up dude? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, you know, memories. I’m kind of old now, and sometimes I get flashes of images from previous times. 

…[    ]

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Author: brian


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