It’s about time again for the annual White House Easter Egg Roll.
What the resurrection of Jesus has to do with eggs, chocolate candy, jelly beans or peeps is beyond me. Jesus did not arise from the dead and walk through the walls of the tomb holding an Easter basket and looking for eggs laid by a bunny. But this insult to Him and silence from the church goes on for another year.
Ho hum, just another insult from the White House, which is no friend of traditional Christianity or even common-sense American values.
This year, though, there is a woke twist to the affair. PETA wants potatoes to be substituted for eggs to bring relief to some stressed-out hens who are imprisoned in a tiny cage somewhere.
Now that vegetables have entered the scene, how about covering the South Lawn with a cabbage rolling race? Then the the kids could enter a zucchini race. Have you ever had rutabaga? Probably not. Here’s a great opportunity for the the SSYR (Society to Stop Ignoring the Rutabaga) to enhance familiarity with a rutabaga race. It’s long past due for this noble vegetable to get the recognition it well deserves.
My vast support staff have some suggestions for new events at this coming Monday’s Egg Roll at the White House, on April Fool’s Day. ( No comment, it’s too easy.)
The kiddies can experience for the first time in history The Great White House Classified Documents Hunt. Kids will be encouraged to hunt for classified documents that might be lying around the garage, the library – who knows? They could be anywhere under the extensive reach of the Biden regime.
Then hundreds of children can line up for the Great White House Hair Sniffing Contest. President Biden will be in kiddie heaven. It’ll be like an all-can-you-can-eat buffet, except it’ll be a buffet of sniffing. The winner receives a twirl of hair from press secretary Karin Jean-Pierre.
In connection to the document hunt, some lucky kids could win a bonus prize for finding a bag of cocaine during their search. Wow, what excitement that will be.
For finding the cocaine, some little guy or girl will be awarded a free box of puberty blockers. This is a gift from the president to set them on their way to transition.
Who knows? Some little (preferred pronoun) may dig up the plagiarized five pages of text that got President Biden suspended from Syracuse Law School in 1965.
During the rutabaga hunt, some lucky hunter may even find missing checks the first family has yet to cash from China, Ukraine and wherever else their “business” to defend democracy flourished.
There’s a real big prize for the lucky kid who finds any of the nuclear codes to launch WWW3 lying around the grounds. They’d get to see the nuclear football and touch the launch button – but no pushing, please.
Finally, the day of frolicking on the White House lawn will have to come to an end. The first family will have been away from occupying the residence for several hours, and it will be imperative for them to return soon. After all, there is that possibility that the empty White House could be claimed by squatters. Oops, I meant no offense. They are tenants, not squatters.
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Author: Nin Privitera
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