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Be honest. If you heard Florida was building an ICE detention center in the middle of the Everglades and DIDN’T call it “Alligator Alcatraz,” you’d be disappointed. Thankfully, Attorney General James Uthmeier is concerned for your amusement as well as Donald Trump’s mass deportations, as he announced the new, efficient, and low-cost detention center surrounded by nature’s security detail.
Welcome to Alligator Alcatraz!
“You don’t need to invest that much in the perimeter. If people get out, there’s not much waiting for them other than alligators and pythons. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide.”
Located on an abandoned airstrip, “Alligator Alcatraz” is about 39 square miles and can house over 1,000 unauthorized and undocumented illegals awaiting their mass deportation. At least, until progressive billionaires can find a progressive judge to fund a lawsuit through a progressive NGO who will rule that alligators and pythons are unconstitutional.
Of course, “independent” “fact” “checkers” will tell you that Alligator Alcatraz isn’t the official name, and therefore, there is no such place. As of this writing, it is unclear what the detention center’s official name might be. Though the “Morris Q. Gator Detention Center” has a nice ring to it, and would pay homage to the greatest reptile this generation has ever known.
Official renderings of what Alligator Alcatraz might look like have hit the internets. At least, we here at the Louder with Crowder Dot Com website believe these to be official. They haven’t been hit with a Community Notes, so there is no reason to believe these are fake or AI-generated.
All we need now is the official Trump blessing of Aligator Alcatraz. The President has been busy in the last twenty-four hours negotiating peace in the Middle East. Once he gets that done, he will no doubt sign an executive order deputizing every alligator in the Everglades as honorary law-enforcement officers. Then will come the Democrats demanding they be allowed to inspect Alligator Alcatraz. There is a lot still to unfold!
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Brodigan is Grand Poobah of this here website and when he isn’t writing words about things enjoys day drinking, pro-wrestling, and country music. You can find him on the Twitter too.
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Author: Brodigan
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