Names, Feminism, Tradition, and Marriage

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other word would smell as sweet.”  While I dislike starting off an article or an essay with a quote (it’s considered lazy writing), it seems fitting.

If you don’t recall, this quote is from Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.”   Specifically it is Juliet’s lament that her beloved is a Montague.  Had they married, they would have been Mr. and Mrs. Romeo Montague.

As has been pointed out, however, “The fact is, today there are numerous varieties of ornamental rose that produce little or no fragrance.”  So although the Bard of Avon was right in his day, today he is wrong.

But something other than horticultural advances happened between roughly 1595 and now.  Feminism reared its head and names took on new importance, especially for the ‘modern’ woman.  Today the vast majority of married couples still share the same last name, but there are also couples with hyphenated last names and different last names – two of the fruits of feminism.

Tradition has been getting a bad rap, even in the Church, but there is a lot to be said for tradition.  The old adage, “tried and true” comes immediately to mind.

Coverture

Feminists argue that the tradition of a wife taking the husband’s last name, comes from the legal concept of coverture.  An article at womenshistory.org states:

“Coverture is a long-standing legal practice that is part of our colonial heritage. Though Spanish and French versions of coverture existed in the new world, United States coverture is based in English law. Coverture held that no female person had a legal identity. At birth, a female baby was covered by her father’s identity, and then, when she married, by her husband’s. The husband and wife became one–and that one was the husband. As a symbol of this subsuming of identity, women took the last names of their husbands.”

This legal practice “has been eroded bit by bit” writes the author of the article, but “it has never been fully abolished.”

Today, of course, according to feminists, women are rebelling against the concept of coverture.  They insist on a hyphenated last name or they are keeping their last name after getting married.

But we live in a patriarchal society, and there is no getting around this.    Such rebelliousness is actually a bit foolish and pointless.

Hyphenated Names

The hyphenated last name idea is not really catching on, and for good reason – it’s just silly.  I feel sorry for all the kids walking around today with hyphenated last names.

An NPR article, “When Hyphen Boy Meets Hyphen Girl, Names Pile Up” explains why the idea is not a good one.  The article spells out the dilemma of Brendan Greene-Walsh and Leila Rathert-Knowles – two young people want to get married but can’t figure out what their last name should be.  Mr. and Mrs. Greene-Walsh-Rathert-Knowles is, after all, a bit unwieldly.

And what would happen if they had a son who also wanted to marry a woman with a hyphenated last name, say Sarah Cornelius-Robertson?  Would the couple have to become Mr. and Mrs. Greene-Walsh-Rathert-Knowles-Cornelius-Robertson?  Aside from the tediousness of having to sign that as a name all the time, it wouldn’t fit on a driver’s license.

When all is said and done, the hyphenated last name idea is dumb.  It might be better for all concerned if the wife just added her husband’s name to her name.  Mary Alice Rizzo marrying Sam Houston, for example, would then be Mary Alice Rizzo Houston (no hyphen).  This way both husband and wife share the same last name and the wife retains her maiden name.

Different Last Names

A recent Pew Research Study says some women are now opting to keep their own last name when they marry.  This might be called a progressive approach to marriage, since “Democratic and Democratic-leaning women are twice as likely as Republican and Republican-leaning women to say they kept their last name.”

The study says:

“Most women in opposite-sex marriages (79%) say they took their spouse’s last name when they got married. Another 14% kept their last name, and 5% hyphenated both their name and their spouse’s name.

“Among men in opposite-sex marriages, the vast majority (92%) say they kept their last name. Just 5% took their spouse’s last name, and less than 1% hyphenated both names.”

(Is Pew showing its wokeness by referring to these marriages as “opposite-sex marriages” or is it trying to say, ‘we don’t consider same-sex ‘marriages’ to be legitimate marriages?’  I hope it’s the latter, but I bet it’s the former.)

So, the result of this new approach is that some 14% of married men and women have different last names.  Isn’t that special!

It’s About Pride!

Jessica Crooke wrote an article for The Christian Post that explored the whys behind this new naming convention.  She wrote that she was 10 months into her marriage, and she had not yet changed her name.

She wrote, “Do I plan to change my name? Yes. However, I can’t say that the idea of just removing my maiden name and tossing it aside like an old sweater is a concept that comes easily to me. I love my maiden name and have spent 27 years making it my own. It’s the name I share with my family who I love dearly, and I’m proud of it. This makes the change emotional and sparks a little pain of identity crisis in my heart and gut.

“As a millennial, feminist, Christian woman, I had a lot of thoughts swirling around my brain when it came time to put my decision in writing on my marriage certificate,” she wrote.

I was glad to read that she did plan on changing her name because that is the rational decision.  I was, however, not thrilled with her referring to herself as a “feminist, Christian woman.”  (See “Feminism is Just Another Half-Baked Ideology” for an explanation.)

Now before I am accused of being a male chauvinist pig, here are some additional words of explanation.

The Name Game

Just like the hyphenated last name problem, a married couple with different last names is an oddity in society.  It’s also an oddity that poses problems for the children of such a marriage.

At some point little Johnny or Joannie is going to ask, “Mommy why is your last name different than mine and daddy’s?”  And no matter what answer mommy provides it really is not going to satisfy Johnny or Joannie because most (if not all) of Johnny’s and/or Joannie’s friends and their parents have the same last names.

The unspoken question in Johnny or Joannie’s mind is going to be “Why does my mom have to be different?”  And in a kid’s world, ‘different’ is not good.

Cooke provides more reasons for taking her spouse’s name in her article.

“My husband and I know marriage to be a covenant union sanctioned by God for His glory, our joy and the benefit of our future children and those around us,” Cooke writes.

She goes on say, “As stated in Genesis 2:24, through marriage, we go from being separate units to one flesh: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Sharing one name is just another way that we can further become “one flesh” in the eyes of God.

“Further, the relationship between husband and wife is a paradigm of the relationship between Christ and church; We—the church Bride—identify ourselves with Him and are called by His name when we become one with Him. As my husband’s bride, changing my name is a way for me to symbolize that same unique bond.”

The Big Reason

Feminists might respond to these reasons saying, “Okay so why not have both spouses take the woman’s maiden name?”  And that question brings up the main reason for the traditional approach.  Most feminists will vehemently object to this reason, but it still remains – ours is a patriarchal society, and there is no getting around this.  But many feminists want to change this.

Consider, however, that society and the entirety of creation starts with God – “Our Father.”  Throughout scripture God is referred to as Our Father.  Jesus, too, became a man, the Son of God (not the daughter of God), sent by the Father to redeem the human race.

Catholic teaching says, “2780 We can invoke God as “Father” because he is revealed to us by his Son become man and because his Spirit makes him known to us.”

Jesus gave us the Lord’s Prayer that begins with “Our Father, who art in heaven.”  That is a kind of clincher – God is our Father, and He created everything, including us.  And Jesus was both God and man, sent to redeem us.

Now God is, of course, pure spirit, so Catholic teaching says God is neither male nor female. But he has enjoined us to know him as Father.  This says something.

God, being God, could have done things differently.  He could have revealed Himself to us as our mother, and He could have sent His daughter to redeem mankind.  In all likelihood, this would have made us a matriarchal society.  But He chose patriarchal over matriarchal.  And He probably had good reasons for doing so.

So here we are in the 21^st century with radical feminists still out to overturn society and destroy the family. And gullible young women are buying into the feminist claptrap and rebelling against tradition without really thinking through the ramifications of their rebelliousness.

It’s Just Silly!

When all is said and done, the two different last names approach to marriage is just as silly as the hyphenated last name approach.

Look, I get it.  As Jessica Crooke points out some women who want to keep their own name are proud of who they are (oops, there’s the devil’s favorite sin).  They really like their own name.  It’s who they are!

Or, perhaps their own last names are more pleasant sounding than their intended spouse’s last names.  Or maybe ethnicity is an issue.

A woman with a Spanish last name like Garcia, for instance, marrying a Chinese man with the last name of Wang, might not be all that thrilled to suddenly have a Chinese last name.  She is, after all, not Chinese, so why would she want to have a Chinese last name?

Of course, if a Chinese last name really bothers her, she could just look around for a different man to wed!  And if she is so proud (oops, there’s that word again) of her Spanish heritage she might want to find a spouse who is also Spanish!  No one is forcing her to marry a Chinese man.

“Oh but I love him with all my heart! I can’t bear the thought of not being his wife!” the fictitious Ms. Garcia might say.  A response to this is “If you love him so much, why are you so opposed to taking his name for your own? Or don’t you really want to be fully one with him?”

And is it really that much of problem to simply say to people “My married name is Wang, but I’m obviously not Chinese. I’m Spanish.”

It’s Just The Way It Is

In the final analysis, it is just pride, silly rebelliousness, and the Marxist feminist ideology, that has women insisting on keeping their own name when they marry.  And down the road it just may make their children wonder, “What the heck was mom thinking?!”

Coverture, pride, and ethnicity aside, the simple fact is that two individuals become one in marriage.  Different last names denote separation, not oneness.

Convention dictates that married couples have the same last name.  And the convention is that the woman takes the last name of the husband.  Sorry feminists, but that’s just the way it is.

Don’t like that idea?  Then don’t get married.  Or put away your pride (the devil’s favorite sin), become “poor in spirit,” and wrap yourself in a cloak of humility just as our Lord and Savior did.