Hot Tips for Dealing with Your Bigoted Family at Thanksgiving

The holidays following a Presidential Election can be painful. In any given family in America, someone is going to be disappointed, distressed, even depressed, while others may be jubilant, joyous, jocular, even Jolly.

How will your aging hippie Bernie-loving aunt who never met a tube of lipstick behave? Can she remain civil as the mashed potatoes are being passed around the table? (hint: probably not – leftists always bring up politics first). She will undoubtedly whine again that Bernie Sanders was robbed of a win in 2016 as she gulps down her Sangiovese with a sob.

When your college professor sister claims that Trump will impose a federal ban on abortion, mom and dad need to remind everyone that it’s not polite to discuss medical procedures at the dinner table. And tell her to take off the pink p*ssy hat in protest of the election reminding her that hats are not worn at the table.

Grandma cutting a big fart at this moment would be helpful and will provide a nice distraction (true story about grandma).

When your MAGA cousin shows up in his “I’m voting for the convicted Felon” t-shirt with Trump’s mugshot on it, announce an ugly Christmas sweater contest, and hand one to him… and toss an elf hat to his brother wearing a “Make Liberals Cry Again” hat.

As dad is carving the turkey and asks his annual rhetorical question, “is Diehard is a Christmas movie?” everyone groans and says YES in unison, know that Thanksgiving can be saved.

Here are some suggestions for good conversation topics:

Budweiser is making a masculine comeback after their disastrous DEI media campaign featuring trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney.

What is fruitcake?

Jaguar obviously didn’t get the memo. Taking a page from the Budweiser DEI manual, they hired a new DEI “marketing & branding” hack and managed to produce a dystopian commercial featuring non-binary tranny models, and not one peak at a Jaguar vehicle (No worries – they all look like Toyotas now anyway).

Is grandma’s Jello mold and Chex Mix going to make the cut when RFK Jr. issues his healthy diet guidelines?

Scientists Officially Declare End of ‘Climate Emergency’ During Prague Climate Conference. Talk amongst yourselves… this should be fun!

Is Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen really a Hobbit?

Do the Presidentially pardoned turkeys really get to live or are they dinner for their owners?

Failed Presidential wanna-be Kamala Harris is thinking of running again in 2028 (be careful… someone is about to spit a mouthful of food). Or, Kamala Harris may run for California Governor (be careful… someone is about to spit a mouthful of red wine).

Worst Christmas song ever. (my vote: “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town,” by Bruce Springsteen. Worst EVER.)

What is the family business succession plan? Followed by “who is your favorite kid?” to your parents.

When will the annual family Fruitcake Toss will take place?

Best Christmas song ever. (my vote: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, “Christmas All Over Again” ;-))

The people who claim that Trump’s mass deportations will separate families are the ones who made your grandma and grandpa die alone in the hospital  during Covid. (Oops… too political?)

Charlie Brown Christmas or Frosty the Snowman?

Announce that you are the favorite kid.

Is Gavin Newsom running for President in 2028? Will his wife still insist on being called “The First Partner?”

Ask your sister if she still has her Fonzie from Happy Days tattoo.

Is 𝕏 is more balanced than any other media platform?

Leaving treats for Santa and his reindeer dates back to ancient Norse mythology: cookies and milk or beer and bar mix for Santa?

Compliment your sister’s electrolysis hair removal of her mustache. Suggest your cousin electrolysis his unibrow.

Secretary of State Antony Blinken holding therapy “cry sessions” for department staffers upset over Donald Trump‘s election victory. What a wuss.

Favorite Christmas movies to watch in order: Christmas Vacation, Scrooged, Elf, The Santa Claus and It’s a Wonderful Life?

Is P. Diddy going to be “Epsteined” in prison? Who is on Diddy’s list?

Cranberry sauce: Homemade whole cranberry sauce or Ocean Spray jellied in a can?

Tucker Carlson Says Several CNN Anchors Are Mouthpieces for the Intel Agencies. Talk amongst yourselves…

Did Grandma fart again? as everyone jumps up to leave the table…

If conversation becomes strained, stand up and challenge everyone to the Trump Dance.

Happy 2024 Thanksgiving!

And Remember, Gov. Gavin Newsom and the compliant Democrat Supermajority in the California Legislature closed your children’s schools, shut down your businesses, ordered your churches closed, cancelled your holidays, masked your kids, mandated Covid shots to go back to work and school… while they exempted themselves from these mandates.