In the dark recesses of Brain-Dead Biden’s dementia-riddled imagination, he is a lot more interesting than he is in realty. According to Joe, he used to drive an 18-wheeler with “Big Mama,” negotiated peace in the Six Day War, went to jail with Nelson Mandela, and was a star football player. Adding to that last lie, Joe now claims he could have been an All-American “flankerback” whatever the hell that is.
Brain-Dead Biden was in Michigan for another lame speech in front of a friendly union crowd. For some reason he started talking about football and made it all about his experience at the University of Delaware, where he didn’t actually play football:
Talking to someone in the crowd who he described as “a big guy,” Biden then made this unbelievable claim:
“If I had you running in front of me when I was playing flankerback, I could have been All-American, man. Coulda been big,” said Biden.
Flankerback? A flanker is what they used to call a tight end plus there’s a running back, quarterback, halfback, fullback, tailback, and on the other side of the ball a linebacker, but no flankerback. I guess it’s possible that such a position existed back in the 1800s, but certainly nobody alive today remembers that.
Maybe Joe is hoping that by inventing a position that doesn’t exist, nobody will bother fact-check him. It’s quite difficult to disprove nonsense, after all.
But here at Def-Con News, we specialize it unf*cking Brain-Dead Biden gibberish so here it goes: Brain-Dead Biden absolutely could not have been an All-American flankerback at the University of Delaware.
Freshman at Delaware were not allowed on the actual football team, so in Biden’s first year he may have been on an intramural type of team. He mentioned that he was going to play “Spring football” but his parents wouldn’t let him because his grades were so shitty.
He then claimed he tried out for the football team in his junior year but decided to pursue a relationship with his future wife Nelia. In other words, he didn’t make the team. In all likelihood, Biden never played a single down of football at Delaware.
In another stunning archeological find, Biden couldn’t possibly have played football for health reasons. Joe got 5 medical deferments from the Vietnam War draft because he had asthma. The first of these deferments happened when he was an undergraduate at Delaware. If his asthma was so bad he couldn’t be drafted, there’s no way he could have been an All-American flankerback.
The biggest reason why Brain-Dead Biden could not have been a football star however is the fact that he’s completely full of shit. Nothing he says is true. No story he tells ever happened. On top of being a liar, he’s caught in a dementia world of imagination.
Brain-Dead Biden is the most easily fact-checkable public official in the history of the world because if he says it, it’s guaranteed that it’s untrue. In theory he should make the media’s job very easy, but in practice they have to scramble to explain why his obvious lies aren’t really lies.
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Author: Brian Anderson
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