The Centers for Democrat Control and Perversion (CDC) issued guidance after Joe “Fell Here” Biden announced that Monkeypox was a national health emergency. I think he meant donkeypox, but one informs the other; the Useless CDC is telling “Americans” to masturbate.
All the way to the midterms, probably. A lesson from the era of the Ch!nese V!rus.
You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.
That was the NYC department of health, breaking new ground with other suggestions like, “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.”
No such luck with the pox upon us (them, they, whatever), but the feds still feel obligated to get more – what’s the term … government into your “bedroom.”
“Masturbate together at a distance of at least 6 feet, without touching each other and without touching any rash,” the Useless CDC recommends. “Remember to wash your hands, fetish gear, sex toys, and any fabrics (bedding, towels, clothing) after having sex.”
Excuse me, but I’d like to hear this presented on love video by some stuffed suit in a lab coat. Wouldn’t that be amusing? And, oh, sorry, they do have some “cardboard/plastic wrap guidance for the poxxed.
“Consider having sex with your clothes on or covering areas where rash is present, reducing as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. If the rash is confined to the genitals or anus, condoms may help; however, condoms alone are likely not enough to prevent monkeypox.”
Maybe they could put a mask (or two or three) on the pox. Rumor has it they can be very effective at stopping something. And you might as well wear one, no mouth to poxxed-person contact allowed, and condoms may not work.
“If you or a partner has monkeypox, the best way to protect yourself and others is to avoid sex of any kind (oral, anal, vaginal) and do not kiss or touch each other’s bodies while you are sick, especially any rash,” the Useless CDC said. “Do not share things like towels, fetish gear, sex toys, and toothbrushes.”
And whatever you do, do not ask that cheating beeyatch how they got it if it wasn’t from you.
And no, there is no emergency. Maybe 6000 since May. That’s 0.0017% of the entire population. Remove the top 5 states, which include DC and New York, and it drops to 0.00067%. And over 95% of cases are among gay men.
Nothing fun about getting the pox but mobilizing the federal government? Really? There’s no good reason but plenty of bad ones.
HT | Fox News
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